I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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