Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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