Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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