Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
