then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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