its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
