did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
