dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you will always have a special place in my vag
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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