From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
