So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
