its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
two words: eviction party
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
