I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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