I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
