i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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