he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
