"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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