got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
