They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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