Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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