But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
