So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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