I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
