Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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