you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
