They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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