hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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