dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
