i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize