don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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