Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
