a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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