Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize