What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
