we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
