She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
