Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
