a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
