Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
only if we run a train.
done.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
