i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
