Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
