She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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