I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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