I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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