id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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