The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
