smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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