I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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