someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
