using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
