I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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