why didn't you poke me back
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize