All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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