guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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