Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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