Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
