That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
