We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
