if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
