I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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