i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
