Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
