guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
