We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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