I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
