i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize