So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
