Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
