woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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