I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
