girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
