he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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