Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
