Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize