Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
