my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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