these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
