i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
