I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
